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Archive for August, 2011

My daughters are growing up. There is a bitter-sweetness to all of this. There is an ending to an era coming up, an ending to this stage where I am needed for all these different little tasks. They can, for the most part, be relied on to handle things like making breakfast, taking showers, and doing their own homework. There is still the occasional editing and definitely the drama of teenage hood to go through, but they are becoming their own creations. Now, I rarely resented any of the things I had to do to make sure they were cared for, and there is a part of me that misses it, but I was barely more than a teenager when I had my first child. The change isn’t all bad.
I find myself letting go a little. Not of them, never of them. I will do what is needed to guide them, defend them, and comfort them. That part will never end, thank God. However, I find I still have this creative energy flowing through me, and I can’t use the “sorry, I’m too busy being a mom” excuse for not doing these things I have planned. I do have the “sorry, I got a new game to play” for short periods of time. This would be why there was a bit of a gap between this post and the last. I can only use that for so long though… or it gets a bit ridiculous. I have ideas, plans, and even occasionally, time.
Oh yes, time. It’s a luxury that I am just starting to see glimmers of. I seriously need to stop just looking at it as if it is some sort of jewel and USE it. Then I can work on my writing, my ideas for illustrating, and maybe even use some of it to get rid of the extra weight I am carrying around with me.
Here’s the best part of all of it. I don’t have to leave anyone behind to do this. My eldest is headed off in her own directions, and my youngest happens to have similar interests to mine. I get advice from both of them. I still have to filter the advice I get from the nine year old, but they do notice things that I miss sometimes. Both of them still come tell me all about their lives, achievements and even losses, the great thing is they occasionally want to hear about mine too.
Time to get down to the business of me…

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So my eldest daughter is 16 now. How odd.

Obviously, I expected that my children would eventually grow up. I have the same maelstrom of emotions brewing about them getting older as many parents do. Joy at watching them blossom, fascination with the unique way each of their minds work, and completely unsure about what exactly will occur for me once they are ready to strike out on their own.

I don’t know what will happen, and most of the time, I’m okay with that. There are days when I feel a bit panicky that they will both move away so far that I won’t get to see my grandkids grow up, or that things will go horribly wrong and they’ll never leave home. I kind of expected that sort of day on her 16th birthday, but no, not today. I had to text her Happy Birthday wishes, because she is out-of-state, pursuing what she loves. I thought that might sting a bit; make me feel old, or induce some nostalgia for the days when she was little. The only thing I felt was pride. She was off doing what she loved, doing it well, and not letting anything hold her down.

Now, at the end of my day, I sit. Just like so many other days, sitting in front of my computer at the end of my day, as the sun shows her face to the world. I reflect a little as I drink my Pinot Noir, about how it seems like it’s always been this way, and yet how much has changed. How quickly time changes the world, and those of us who live in it. How odd it is that we only really take notice of those changes, when we take the time to stop.

How very odd indeed.

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